Anachronism

“Why are you sitting at the crossroad, Mullah?”

“One day something will happen here and a crowd will gather. When that happens, I may not be able to get close enough. So I’m putting in my time now.”

Last years nests

“What are you doing in that tree Mullah?”
“Looking for eggs”.
“But those are last year’s nests!”
“Well, if you were a bird and wanted a safe place to lay eggs, would you build a new nest with everyone watching?”

Why ask me?

Nasrudin was riding along one day when his donkey took fright at something in its path and started to bolt. As he sped past them at an unaccustomed pace, some countrymen called out: “Where are you going so fast O Nasrudin?”
Mullah shouted, “Don’t ask me, ask my donkey!”

Old graves for new

“When I die,” said Nasrudin, “have me buried in an old grave.”
“Why?” asked his relatives.
“Because when Munkir and Nakir – the angels who record good and bad actions – come, I’ll be able to wave them on saying that this grave has been counted and entered for punishment already.”

Incomplete

Mullah Nasrudin surprised everyone by building his own tomb. At last, after one shortcoming after another had been corrected, the mason came to collect his money.
“It is not right yet, builder.”
“What more can be done with it?”
“We still have to supply the body.”

Truth

“What is truth?” a disciple asked Nasrudin.
“Something which I have never, at any time spoken, nor ever will.”

The Speculator

Nasrudin bought a large number of eggs and at once sold them at a lower price than he had bought them for. When asked why he did so he said: “Surely you don’t want me to be called a profiteer?”

The Magic Ring

A king was fed up with the ups and downs of life. He suffered great highs and extreme lows. He asked his viziers and advisors to make a magic ring which would pacify his extreme emotions. All the wise men of the nation were consulted, but none could make the ring. As it
happened, Mullah was passing through the country at the time and he heard of the kings requirement. He got an audience with the great potentate and presented him with
a simple ring that he wore on his own hand. This ring had the magic property desired. On it was written,
‘This too shall pass’

Noisy Blanket

One winter night, while Nasruddin was sleeping he heard a sudden noise in the street. Covering himself with a blanket, he came out to check the cause of the noise. Suddenly a smart thief robbed him of his blanket and ran away. So he came back home without the blanket. Replying to his wife who asked about the reason for the noise, Nasruddin said, “All the noise was about my blanket.”

Knowledgable Turban

The wit and wisdom of Mullah Nasruddin never leaves him at a loss for words. One day an illiterate man came to Mullah with a letter he had received, and said, “Mullah Nasruddin, please read out this letter. Mullah Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man, “I am sorry, but I cannot read this.” The man cried, “For shame, Mullah Nasruddin ! You should be ashamed before the turban you wear (a sign of education). Mullah Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man and said, “There, now you wear the turban. If it gives knowledge, read the letter yourself.”

Horse Voice Nightangle

Once Nasruddin went to a garden and climbed an apricot tree. The gardener saw this and asked him, “Why did you climb someone else’s tree?” Nasruddin answered, “Don’t you know I am a nightingale and for nightingales to climb a tree is not a sin.” The gardener laughed and said, “Please sing so that I can listen to and enjoy your song.” Nasruddin started to sing in his hoarse voice. The gardener asked him whether nightingales sang so badly. Nasruddin replied, “A nightingale which eats raw apricot will not sing better than this.”

It is Forbidden to Lie

The Sultan was told by his teacher that lying was a great crime and should be banned. So the Sultan ordered his executioner to the city gate and told him to ask each person entering the city why he was visiting and execute any who lied. Next morning, the Mullah stood in line to go to the market in the city. The executioner asked him on the penalty of death, “Why are you entering the city?”The Mullah replied, “I am going to be executed!”

That’s Right!

The Mullah was a judge and arbitrator in a dispute. First the advocate of the first side gave an eloquent discourse advancing his claims. The Mullah who had been listening intently agreed and said, “That’s right.” Next it was the other advocate’s turn and he was just as erudite. Once more the Mullah agreed adding, “That’s right.” His clerk listening to the
Mullah’s pronouncements commented, “They can’t both be right.” The Mullah agreed by saying, “That’s right!”

The death of the Mullah

One day the Mullah’s wife asked him when would be the end of the world and the last judgment day. The Mullah replied,” the end of the world and the last judgement day will be the day when I will die.”

Free Bread

The Mullah’s wife sent him to buy some bread. When the Mullah arrived at the bread shop, he saw a long line waiting to buy bread. He thought he would do something to get in front of the line. He shouted,”People, don’t you know the Sultan’s daughter is getting married tonight and he is giving away free bread?” The multitude ran toward the palace as the Sultan was generous to a fault and loved his daughter more than anyone. The Mullah was now in front of theline and was about to buy his bread when he thought to himself,”Mullah, you are truly a fool. All the citizens are getting free bread tonight and I am about to pay for it. So he ran to the palace and when he got there, was thoroughly
beaten by the disappointed people.

Deductive Reasoning

How old are you, mullah?
Someone asked,
‘three years older than my brother.’ mullah answered.
‘How do you know that?’ ‘reasoning. Last year, i heard my brother telling someone that i was two years older than him.
A year has passed.
This means that i am older by one year…i shall soon be old enough to be his grandfather.

More useful

One day mullah nasruddin entered his favorite teahouse and said: ‘the moon is more
useful than the sun’.
An old man asked ‘why mullah?’
nasruddin replied ‘we need the light more during the night than
during the day.’

When you face things alone

You may have lost your donkey, nasruddin, but you don’t have to grieve over it more than you did about the loss of your first wife.
Ah, but if you remember, when i lost my wife, all you villagers said:
we’ll find you someone else. So far, nobody has offered to replace my donkey.

Obligation

Nasruddin nearly fell into a pool one day.
A man whom he knew slightly was nearby, and saved him. After that, every time he met nasruddin, he would remind him of the service which he had
performed. When this had happened several times, nasruddin took him to the water, jumped in, stood with his head just above water and shouted:
“now i am as wet as i would have been if you had not saved me. Leave me alone!

Promises Kept

A friend asked the mullah how old are you?
Forty.Replied the mullah.
The friend said, but you said the same thing
two years ago.
Yes replied the mullah, i always stand by what i have said.

Every first of the month Mullah Nasruddin used to cross the border with thirty donkeys, with two bails of straw on each. Each time the custom person stopped him to ask about his profession and Nasruddin would reply, “I am an honest smuggler.” So each time, Nasruddin, his donkeys and the bails of straw were searched from top to toe. Each time the custom folk could not find anything. Next week, Nasruddin would return without his donkeys or bails of straw. Years went by and Nasruddin prospered in his smuggling profession to the extent that he retired. Many years later, the custom person too had retired. As it happened one day, the two former adversaries met in a country far from home. The two hugged each other like old buddies and started talking. After a while, the custom person asked the question which had been bugging him over the years, “Mullah, please let me know what were you smuggling all those years ago?” Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and finally revealed his open secret, “Donkeys.”

Since you already know

Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked “Do you know what I am going to say?” The audience replied “NO”, so he announced “I have no desire to speak to people who don’t even know what I will be talking about” and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied “YES” So Mullah Nasruddin said, “Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won’t waste any more of your time” and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited Mullah Nasruddin to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question – “Do you know what I am going to say?” Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered “YES” while the other half replied “NO”. So Mullah Nasruddin said “The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half” and he left!

One day, Mullah Nasruddin had invited a visiting scholar to his house for a meal. Upon the self-important visiting scholar’s arrival at Nasruddin’s house, the scholar knocked and knocked. When nobody answered, he looked through the windows and found no one.

The scholar still waited, and as he waited, he became angrier and angrier. “Why, doesn’t he know who I am?” the scholar thundered as he stomped around the front courtyard. Finally, he became so angry he grabbed a pencil and scribbled on his door, IDIOT!

Well, at 2 o’clock, Nasruddin returned home and suddenly remembered! He ran back to the market looking for the scholar and when he spotted him, Nasruddin said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I remembered our appointment when I saw your name written on my door.”

A scholar meets Nasruddin

Nasruddin,ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to the scholar. “Have you never studied grammar?” asked the scholar.

“No.”

“Then half your life is wasted.”

A few minutes later, Nasruddin turned to the passenger.

“Have you ever learned how to swim?”

“No. Why?”

“Then all your life is wasted – we are sinking!”

Be Quiet with Mullah!

A drunkard sat next to old Mullah Nasruddin on a bus. Thinking that Nasruddin was a preacher from his appearance, he started a conversation, “I’m not going to heaven. There is no heaven.”
The Mullah maintained silence.
“I say there is no heaven,” shouted the drunkard. The Mullah still didn’t answer.
“I said I’m not going to heaven,” shouted the drunkard.

Mullah Nasruddin quietly turned to the drunkard and said, “Well, go to hell then, but be quiet about it.”

Pay no attention!

Carrying home a load of delicate glassware, Mulla Nasruddin dropped it in the street. Everything was smashed. A crowd gathered.
‘What’s the matter with you, idiots?’ howled the Mulla. ‘Haven’t you ever seen a fool before?’

Pay full attention!

Nasruddin was not sure about Court etiquettes, yet he was among the notables who would be received by the Sultan when he visited the locality. He was quickly briefed. The King would ask him how long he had been living there, how long he had studied to become a Mulla, and whether he was happy about the taxation and spiritual welfare of the people.

He memorized his

answers: but they started in another order.
‘How long have you studied?’

‘Thirty-five years.’
‘How old are you, then?’
‘Twelve years.’

‘This is impossible! Which of us is mad?’
‘Both, your Majesty’
‘You call me mad, like you?’
‘Of course, we are mad, but in a different way, your Majesty!’

True lies!

‘How old are you, Mulla?’
‘Forty.’
‘But you said the same last time I asked you, two

years ago!’

‘Yes, I always stand by what I have said.’

Catch your rabbit!

People were talking about strange, sometimes mythical beasts, and someone iin the teahouse told Nasruddin that there were monsters to be found even near his own village.
As he was on his way home, the Mulla saw a new animal. It had long ears, like a donkey, but it was brownish, furry and chewing. So preoccupied was it that Nasruddin was able to steal up to it and catch it by the ears. He had never seen anything like this before. It was, in fact, a rabbit.
He took it home and tied it in a sack, forbidding his wife to open it. Then he hurried back to the teahouse.
‘I have found something’, he announced bravely, ‘which has ears like a donkey, munches like a camel, and is now in a sack in my house. There has never been an animal like this seen before.’
Immediately the teahouse emptied, and everyone ran to the Mulla’s home to see this wonder.
Meanwhile, of course, his wife had opened the sack, unable to restrain her curiosity. The rabbit bounded out of the house and away. She could think of nothing better to do than put a stone in the sack instead, and tie it up again.
Soon the Mulla arrived with his friends clamouring to see the monster.
He opened the sack, and the stone fell out. There was a dead silence. Nasruddin recovered himself first.
‘Friends, If you take seven of these stones, they will be found to weigh three-quarters of a pound.’

New Economic Law

During a crusade, Nasruddin was captured and set to work on the ditch near Aleppo citadel. The work was backbreaking, and the Mulla bemoaned his lot, but the exercise benefited him.
A neutral merchant passing by one day recognized him, and ransomed him for thirty silver dirhams. Taking him home he treated him kindly and bestowed his daughter upon him.
Now Nasruddin lived a life of fair cofort, but the woman turned out to be a shrewd.
‘You are the man, remember,’ she said one day, ‘that my father bought for thirty dirhams and gave to me.’
‘Yes,’ said Nasruddin, ‘I am that man. He paid thirty for me; you got me for nothing – and I have even lost the muscles I gained digging ditches.