Desire for sex is natural. It is neither right to fight your body and mind, nor should you feel depressed about the sex urge. Nature has created this body and its glandular systems. These glands start functioning around teenage and they release chemicals called hormones. In the brain, the hypothalamus and the pituitary control the functioning of these glands. The male hormone testosterone is produced by the testes and the female hormones progesterone and estrogen are produced by the ovaries.
The sex hormones help the body of a boy grow into a young man, and that of a girl grow into a young woman. This leads to an attraction for the opposite sex, and happens only after the release of these chemicals. Before this stage, boys and girls have no such feelings in their mind. As children approach the age of 12 or 13, the sex glands begin to get active. Nowadays, due to exposure to media and television, these glands have started functioning earlier – sometimes as early as the age of 9.
Even a highly sexual and pornographic mind, such as of those people who engage in mental visualisations and fantasies, or of a totally addicted person, loses the sexual urge if we inject a special type of hormone in the body. This happens because the body clock is taken back to the stage when there were no secretions of the sex hormones.
Whenever there is an excess secretion of these chemicals – for whatever reason, it leads to addiction. Any addiction, whether it is for tea, coffee or sex, is just an addiction. You cannot say that one addiction is better than the other – that an addiction to cigarettes is better than an addiction to liquor. Addiction means a stage of dependence in which one cannot survive without the fulfilment of the addiction. It is a stage when one thinks and dreams about the object of one’s addiction and when one lives with it and for it.
The first thing to understand is that our mind is connected to our body and to our brain. Changes in our body and mind affect us. For example, if you have not slept well at night, there will be a deficiency of melatonin and serotonin, the two chemicals released during sleep. These chemicals relax the body and the brain, and their deficiency will make you feel tense. Your mind will begin to oscillate, your circulatory system will get affected and blood pressure will be raised. The restlessness will affect you to such an extent, that you will need to take some drug to balance the paucity of the chemicals.
This is how those people who drink more and more liquor, provide the chemicals the body needs, although alcohol does not supply melatonin and serotonin. The chemicals in the liquor have a drug like effect and they soothe the nerves and numb the brain; somehow this is experienced as relaxation by many people. Any form of drug, cigarette and liquor soothes the nerves. It is a different story that these are all poisons that destroy the body systems. This is the additional effect of these drugs which no company is ever going to advertise; they will just talk about how good you are going to feel. Thumbs up! How cheerful you will be when you consume the poison of this drug!
Similarly, during the sex act, chemicals are released by the brain and this gives you a high feeling – a good feeling. Some tests have been done on rats and mice, in which the areas of the brain which are activated at the time of sex were injected and made numb. Once those portions were numbed, the rats and mice lost interest in copulation; they were just not interested any more.
So basically what our body seeks is to experience the good feeling. Some feel good with food, but for others sex remains the only medium which gives them a high; nothing else does. For sex, one is dependant on another person. As I had said earlier, these days you can not only order a pizza and a burger at home, but also sex! Even that is provided!
The question is, what does sex give? It gives a feeling of elation and a feeling of being appreciated – although the person doing the appreciating may be doing it for your money, for the security you provide or for the gifts which you will shower on that person! So the process of give and take goes on. Dependency does exist.
No wonder husbands and wives blackmail and exploit one another; they know that the other person is dependent on them for sexual release.  Actually, if you take away the sex, there won’t be a husband and wife relationship left. Most couples are together because of the children or society; or because they don’t know how to live alone. They benefit greatly from the relationship, and so do not want to lose out on services like house maintenance, laundry, cooking and entertainment etc. All these things provided by the spouse make you further bind with the spouse.
The question is, if sex could give real enjoyment, a real high, then it should last for a few days atleast. But it does not endure for even a few hours! It is an unending process. Again and again a person is entrapped.
First and foremost, never condemn yourself for having a sexual urge. Through all your physical and mental experiences, you gain something – or maybe you will gain something. Those who never get a chance to explore these things may still harbour the seeds of desire in their subconscious mind. They just dream, repress and suppress their feelings.  At the same time, exploring this territory should be done with an understanding of what you will get out of it. Ask yourself: Am I getting the happiness which I hope for?  How long will this happiness last? Will I get dependent on the other person? Will I lose my freedom? Is this the only way to feel a high? Is this the only door through which I will get physical and mental relaxation? Most husbands the world over have sex to release their tension and not for love.
I would like to point out that a man who is really in love with his wife, will need less sex, because his satisfaction will then come from a higher plane. Attention, appreciation and companionship are more important than carnal pleasure. I am not saying that there is something wrong with sex, that it is sinful or that it is something one should not indulge in.
If sex had been ugly, or even worse – if it were a sin or something to be guilty of, then our temples would not have sculptures of couples copulating. Have you ever seen the expression on their faces? Have you ever visited the Khajuraho or Konark temples? Outside the periphery of these temples, there are hundreds of such images on the domes; they are carved so meticulously and with so much time consuming labour. A huge amount of the kings’ money went into the making of these temples. Dharma, artha, kama, moksha – all four are a part of life. It cannot be said that artha is important and kama is not. If we deny these facts then we are just being hypocritical.
All that happens in society – all the money, the wealth, the businesses, the jobs, the education – just  go to the core of it and see what everyone is striving for. You will end up with just one answer – sex. If you have wealth, you can have the most beautiful girl or the most handsome man. Your very being, your physical being is because of sex. Can you deny that?
But your parents are not guilty of sex. They might be guilty of sex in general but not of your birth. Are you guilty of your daughter? You are joyful for your daughters. You are joyful for your sons. You are full of joy for your children and even more joyful for your grand children. They are all offsprings of the sexual act. You cannot say that it is bad, ugly or sinful. This point has to be understood very clearly.
Society at large is under the sheets; behind the wall everyone is in it, and outside the wall everyone condemns it. They condemn it and yet they are in it!  The more they are in it, the more vehemently they condemn it – this is a vicious cycle. Throw away the attitude that sex is bad, ugly and sinful. What is bad about it? It is your body and if you wish to explore it in any way, just go ahead and do so.
The only suggestion I would like to make is that you should know what you will gain, what will you lose and why you are indulging in it?  It is true that the body chemicals – the hormones, are active and therefore there is attraction between the sexes. The stimulants are there right in your head – the sex organ is none other than the brain – that is the real sex organ!
So this means that you need to make some changes in the brain if you wish to make some changes in your lifestyle. How can that be done? There are many ways:
First, you have to balance your body and brain, so that you do the act when needed and you don’t think about it all the time. When you are hungry you eat food – you are never guilty of eating food, are you? If you have an itch in the throat, you cough – you never feel guilty about it. But if you have an urge for sex and you satisfy it, you feel guilty later on – whether you recognise the guilt or not is a different story.
When a husband and wife are in the sex act, all the scriptures, mahatmas and sadhus’ voices keep ringing at the back of their mind, telling them that what they are doing is bad. But the urge of the body is so strong that they cannot stop. It is somewhat like schizophrenia – based on all the discourses of mahatmas and books that you have read, the brain says don’t do it, but the body speaks a different language. Mind you, whenever there is a fight between the body and the brain, the body will win because animal instincts are more powerful than abstract thoughts and ideas.
Celibacy is just an idea which the mahatmas have given to people. That is not your experience; your experience is that when your body wants something, you have to get it. When a person is thirsty he will drink water from the most polluted pond – it has happened!  In difficult times, as during a war, what else to do?  When there is thirst and the body asks for water, people have been known to have drunk water from the ponds in which corpses were floating! The suffering from thirst, the pain was so great, that inspite of seeing the floating dead bodies, they just cupped their hands and drank the water!
The urges of the body are very strong. When hunger troubles you, when your body asks for food, no gyan will work – you need food by any means, anyhow. Normally you eat when you are hungry, you drink when you are thirsty, when you are exhausted you go to sleep and you are never guilty about it. But if you continuously think about food, then something is wrong. If you keep on eating and filling your stomach the whole day, then it is a disease. If a person washes his hands when they are dirty, it is ok for that is routine hygiene. But if he keeps on washing his hand a hundred or two hundred times, then it is an illness. It is a psychological disease if a person feels he is dirty, or the phobia of germs is prevalent in his mind; this needs to be treated. Similarly, healthy married couples do feel the real urge for sex.
Now this is something to be noted – distinguishing between the real and the unreal urge. The real urge comes from the body, and if you fulfil it, it is definitely as natural as a hungry man eating his food. But this urge can also be an unreal one. How does that happen? The society in which you live, your friends, associates, the woman you are seeing, the men whom you meet, the books which you read, the magazines which you flip through, every channel, every movie – all of them – titillate your senses and excite your mind. When the urge arises because of this titillation and excitement, I call it an unreal desire – it is not a natural desire.
You will have to see when it is a natural urge and when it is an unnatural one. When you have a natural urge, go ahead without the feeling of guilt or sin.  Marriage is a licence which society has given you; have sex as many times as you want to, but the moment you stray from your licensed spouse, the whole of society looks down upon you. This is bad, this is wrong, this is immoral! In a polygamous society, it is not considered wrong to stray, but as per Hindu law, and in monogamous relationships which are popular and widely practised today, it is considered wrong. I believe that if a man or a woman has an extra marital affair, it is not because they don’t get sex, but because they don’t get true love.
Understand that sex can never fulfil your mind – love can. Love should be the foundation of marriage. The more deeply you are in love with your spouse, the lesser is the need to stray. When a man and a woman do not appreciate one another, do not attend to each other’s needs, do not gel at the mental level, do not have similar choices, then there is sure to be trouble. Some people simply live with their situation; others move away. But this damages the institution of marriage.
There are many things to be considered. First: identify the real and natural urge. How to do that? Well, you need to discipline your brain and body, and to do that, yogic asanas are the perfect solution. When you do sarvangasana – the shoulder stand, blood rushes to your brain as your feet are up and head is down. Due to gravity, the blood rushes to the brain. The most important gland which is the master computer of the body, the hypothalamus, is in the brain. With this asana, fresh supply of blood and oxygen is carried to the brain nourishing the hypothalamus and the pituitary. The hypothalamus begins to work properly and it orders the right amount of chemicals to be released. Once this happens, you feel the sex urge only when needed and not otherwise.
Second: the way to balance the glandular system is to do pranayama. When you practice pranayama, your mind will be soothed, relaxed and cool. You won’t feel excited even on seeing an attractive woman; you won’t be titillated; titillation will have an effect only when you are ready for it. Sometimes, if you tickle a person, they are in peels of laughter, but there are others who roll on the ground at the mere sight of a tickling gesture. Just moving the fingers is enough for them to say, “don’t do it”!
Often people play with young children; they tickle them and walk holding their two fingers. They walk their fingers on the baby’s arms saying, “Here I am coming”, and even before you reach the forearm the child is laughing and pleading with you to stop. But as the child grows older, the same act will not have the same effect and could well evoke the response: “Papa! Grow up! What are you doing?”
The same rules apply to scantily clothed girls who show their bodies in such a way that it turns any man’s mind- just as a woman’s mind may be affected on seeing a half naked man who has a beautiful and muscular body. But this titillation can happen only when you are ready to be titillated. Let me say this very clearly: I do not condemn even titillation, but it has to have some objective.
In the sexual act, it is not that you lose just semen in ejaculation, but you also lose something more than that called ojas -  energy. It is not the semen which creates the baby, but the ojas in the semen which creates the baby.  This ojas can be used to make progress in your spiritual development.
Every food you eat carries a hidden energy in it. Our body has to digest the food and our intestines have to absorb the nutrients which go to the liver and from there to the blood and thence to the entire body. Our seers who understood this phenomenon, suggested that this energy should not be wasted for whimsical reasons, but should be conserved. The more you conserve it, the more energetic you grow and your capacity to do sadhana also increases. This energy also enhances your concentration and attention levels. The reason why the rishis suggested sexual abstinence was to conserve ojas, and not in order to suppress the sexual urge. The idea was not to suppress sexual energy but to sublimate it.
It is important to understand the sexual energy in order to manage it well. Deep down if the mind is insecure, then this insecurity can become a reason for excessive sexual behaviour. If you did not receive real love and comfort from your mother in childhood, then this can give rise to excessive sexual behaviour of the mind. If you have any kind of inferiority complex, it can also give rise to an overly sexual behaviour. If you were exploited or tortured during childhood, even this can lead to excessive sexual behaviour. There are multiple reasons and that is why we need to understand our mind; we need to go deep into our mind.
Every time the urge arises, do not condemn yourself, rather try to understand from where it is rising.
Our mind is a deep, dark and mysterious cave where millions of ghosts reside – the ghosts of our past memories. We are not very comfortable facing these ghosts, and that is why we watch television, we spend time with friends but do not like to invest any effort in studying the mind. We just do not want to face the complexities of our mind; this compounds the problem.
Now, how to manage the sex urge, whether natural or unnatural, real or unreal?  One way is to indulge in sexual intercourse; the second way is to masturbate; the third way is to suppress the urge by chiding yourself, taking a cold shower or going to a temple and expressing regret for having fallen again. Then there is a fourth way also – it is a particular technique given by Tantra to all aspirants who wish to work on controlling the sexual urge – the Ashwini mudra with kumbhak.
Ashwa means horse. Ashwini mudra is actually taken from a natural act performed by horses. Have you ever ridden on horseback?  Have you seen a horse defecating?  It moves its anus – actually it pushes out its rectum and you can see a layer of pinkish muscle. The horse pushes its rectum out of the body once it has defecated; when it has thrown the faeces out of the body, it pushes out the rectum, moves it and then pulls it in. This is called Ashwini mudra.
So with the practice of Ashwini mudra, you can develop control over the muscles in the lower regions of the body around the anus. The exercise is done as follows: you squeeze your anus, contract it, and then relax it in the first part of the mudra. In the second part you repeat the exercise with breath control – when you inhale you relax and when you exhale you contract – proficiency comes with practice.
Initially you should concentrate on the first part which is rather easy, and once you have mastered it then practice with the breath. Remember that you contract while exhaling and relax when inhaling. When you inhale, relax; contract with breathing out.
In the third part, you contract the anus while exhaling and hold your breath for a count of 3 and then relax. Inhale and exhale, contracting while exhaling. When you breathe out, hold your breath out – one, two, three. With time and practice, you can increase the retention period and can even take it to a count of 5 and then 10 – but it should be done very comfortably with no stress or strain.
This ability to retain your breath and contract your anus muscle will control the urge for sex – this is the golden mantra. Whenever  the urge arises – whether real or unreal – at that time if you begin to focus and start doing  the exercises in sequence, within 15 minutes, not only will your urge be gone but you will feel like meditating more – you will feel like sitting for some more time. Your mind gets relaxed and so does the body.
We should not ever fight with the body or the mind. If there is an urge for sex, it is no big issue, for every issue has a solution which can be learned and focussed on. So at the level of our mind we need to understand and respect it. Actually, the more you resist it, the more you get trapped in it, because anything that makes you feel guilty also gives you the joy of breaking the rules of society.
There is no fun in taking your wife out for dinner; it is more exciting to take your girlfriend out. Even the most lecherous person fears being seen, hence no one ever announces in the drawing room in the presence of friends and relatives that the last time he went to Singapore on a business trip, he had three prostitutes! No one ever announces this; no one ever boasts of this. Even the most lecherous and libidinous person will hide this.
We need to know and understand that sex is not the enemy; sex is not a sin; sex is not a shameful act that should lead to guilt. It needs to be appreciated that nature has given this to us and it is the reason for the entire procreation and recreation. Sex is not a means of releasing tension – for that you should do Yog-Nidra – it is indeed very relaxing! Sex should not be a means of releasing your frustrations either. It is and can be beautiful provided you know and understand what it is; provided you manage it with awareness; provided you are deeply in love with your spouse.
A loveless relationship is a sin. The problem is that in our society relationships are not based on love but on money, prestige and status – these three are most important – then comes the shakal [looks] and akal [intelligence] of the boy and girl. If the boy is a walking hippopotamus but has money, there are many girls who will not refuse him. Their attitude is that it is fine to marry someone like that, no problem at all; once married they plan to make the poor chap slim down. You too must have seen some weird matches – in fact they are no match at all, but the families get them married. Now after the marriage they are expected to love one another! How is that possible? I find it very weird!
But our ancestors had made a different system. They would get the boy and girl married at an early age but keep them apart. Immediately after the marriage ceremony the girl was taken to her parents home and then the entire society and family would pester and tease the boy reminding him that his spouse was at her parents’ home.  “Don’t you want to meet her?” Their bodies would be growing and their hormones raging. That is how psychologically they were made to like one another and to want to be with one another. This distance created the attraction. After another ceremony, when the girl was finally brought to her husband’s home, the boy was lusting and waiting for her.
Again, this is a drama which has been planned by society and families. I have nothing against arranged marriages but I do have some issues with it. Loveless marriages can never satisfy; love has to be there. If there is love in an arranged marriage then it is fine. Some amount of effort is needed on the part of the husband and wife to understand one another in order to seek and create room for compatibility – to be able to appreciate one another’s qualities, to ignore the errors and mistakes of the other person, to not condemn the spouse – appreciation will change the partner. These are important things. To manage the urges of the body and to be in a position to distinguish the real urge from the unreal one, yogasana and pranayama especially ashwini mudra with kumbhak, will pave the way for a very healthy married life.
Life with a dumb person can be hell – but marriage can be a great pleasure trip, an enjoyable experience once there is compatibility – for which one has to work for it won’t happen on its own. You have to work at it and the more you work with understanding and with an agenda, the more quickly will you see the results.

Breathing is life, but how little we know about it! For example, do you know that you use only one nostril at a time for breathing? At any point in time, either the right or the left nostril will be working. Test it out now. Place a finger half an inch below your left nostril for a few seconds and then under your right. You will now which one is working at that moment. Amazing, isn’t it?
And now read on and learn more. Do you know the active nostril changes at regular intervals (approximately every one and a half hours) during the day? And for a short time, both nostrils come into play together, for a period which is called the sandhi kaal, and this remains for ten to twelve breaths. Have you ever wondered why we have two nostrils instead of one? Breath can easily pass through one passage but we have two! The reasons are much deeper then of basic design alone.

As per the ancient scripture of Swar Yoga, there are three psychic channels in the human body, namely ida, pingala and sushumna. The right nostril is the channel of solar energy and the nadi that flows through it is called pingala, whereas the left is the channel for lunar energy and is called as ida. When both the nostrils have an equal flow, then for a very short time the central channel which is called sushumna awakens. Influencing the channels or nadis is the key technique of Swar Yoga. Swar Yoga teaches that the dominance of each nostril during breathing changes regularly. By inhaling strongly through the nose, one can find out which nostril is dominant at a particular time, as one will feel the cooling effect of the airflow inside that nostril. The nadis ida and pingala terminate in the left and right nostril respectively, and are activated when the corresponding nostril is dominant. The central sushumna is activated when both nostrils operate simultaneously, which usually happens only for a short while when the transition from one nostril to the other takes place and also at dawn and dusk. The periodic alternation of the nostrils balances the entire system. Ensuring that this balance is not disturbed is the basic objective of Swar Yoga. The dominance of the nostrils is strongly affected by the movements of the planets and especially by that of the moon.
Each nostril, when it operates independently, influences the body chemistry in a different way. When both nostrils operate simultaneously, the body chemistry also alters so as to make meditation rather than worldly activity appropriate to engage in. According to Swar Yoga, the right nostril, being solar or heating in character, increases acidic secretions, whereas the left nostril, being lunar or cooling, increases alkaline secretions. Both right and left nostrils are connected with the opposite sides of the cerebral hemispheres and the olfactory lobe. The nose is in direct contact with the hypothalamus by its link with the olfactory lobe of the brain. The hypothalamus is a part of the limbic system, associated with emotions and motivation.
The nostrils, by means of the process of respiration, are connected with the neuromotor responses, and thus with the autonomic nervous system. These neuromotor responses influence the hemispheres of the brain and the primary activity of the brain, which is chemical. Neurotransmitters are the brain’s chemical messengers. They influence all body functions. Through a network of sensory nerves in the nose, the nostrils are connected to subtle nerves. An EEG was done by Dr Khalsa in San Antonio USA, where the brain was wired with electrodes, and an ultra sound was also done to see if any changes occur when the flows are different. It was observed that when the flow is in the left nostril, the right side of the brain lights up, and when in the right, then the left part of the brain is more active.
One of the techniques of Swar Yoga is to check whether the nostril dominance is in accord with the planetary cycles, and if necessary to correct it accordingly. This would prevent psychological and physical problems. It is especially important to do this every day at sunrise, so that one starts the day in harmony with the planetary energy of that day. Another important aspect of Swar Yoga is to adapt special activities to nostril dominance or vice versa. Breathing through the left nostril influences the cortical activity on the right side of the brain more than the left and vice versa. The twin hemispheres of the brain have highly specialized functions. The right hemisphere, stimulated by left nostril dominance, is connected to feminine, lunar, emotional, visual and more peaceful activities. The left hemisphere, stimulated by right nostril dominance, is connected to masculine, solar, rational, verbal and more energetic activities.
The ancient yogis of India knew all this and much more. They knew the intimate connection between breath and mind. For example, when your mind is angry watch your breathing – it will be disturbed. And similarly, if you hold your breath for long, your mind will get agitated. The yogis were trying to get some degree of control over the mind and body. Swar Yoga advises changing the dominant nostril at the first sign of any physical or mental disturbance. Thus the active side of the body is changed and glandular secretions re-establish balance.
For example, in fever one should plug the operating nostril with a cotton ball and keep it plugged until body temperature becomes normal again. Chronic indigestion can be cured by cultivating the habit of eating only when the right nostril is dominant. The same goes for eating and defecating in case of constipation. Stress created by hard work and physical labor can be cured by lying on the right side, and breathing through the left nostril for 25 to 30 minutes. If you want to alter an unwanted emotional state, just breathe through the congested nostril for a while. Swar Yoga techniques can also be used for healing others, for creating favorable conditions in life, to foretell death, and in determining the gender of an unborn child. The techniques of Swar Yoga have been tested and tried by yogis and their lineages for a very long time. If only you would be aware of the goodness and beneficiary changes that can be brought to your life, you could maneuver your life as per your needs and requirements.
The most powerful application of Swar Yoga lies in meditation and control over the mind. Since the mind is very subtle and near impossible to grasp, the yogis figured out how to use this connection between the breath and the mind. By controlling the breath, they were indirectly able to influence the mind. Swar Yoga can be practiced by one and all, but before you go deeper into it, you have to know the basics of Pranayama.
There is a lovely fable of a minister who was punished by the king with imprisonment in a tower. He called his faithful wife to help him escape, telling her to get a beetle, two drops of honey, a ball of slender and fine thread, a long twine and then a long rope. When the bewildered wife arrived with these things, he told her to moisten the antennae of the beetle with the honey, tie the fine thread to its body and to leave it at the bottom of the tower wall. Smelling the honey ahead, the beetle slowly crept up the wall until it reached the minister. He then got hold of the end of the thread and asked his wife to tie the twine to the other end. He then pulled up the twine and then the rope using which he escaped. The idea is to understand how to manage the links between the gross (rope, body), the subtle body (thread, breath), and the very subtle body (scent of honey, mind).
Understanding one’s breath opens up so many channels of growth and evolvement. When you need to work hard, teach, discipline, eat or defecate, check if the solar energy (pingala) is flowing. If yes, then the actions done will bear results. If you have to do brain work, then it your lunar energy (ida) that should be flowing – this will help you in all studious jobs, meditation, creative arts, music, dance, paintings, studying etc. The change from ida to pingala is very subtle, so if you can keep a check on your breathing, you will be able to observe it.
There are ways and means to change the breath by will, and this art can be learnt from a guru who is proficient in this art.

In Buddhism, the views on vegetarianism vary from school to school. In the schools of the Theravada and Vajrayana, the act of eating meat is not always prohibited; the Mahayana school generally recommends a vegetarian diet. This is based on the firm insistence by the Buddha in certain Mahayana sutras, that his followers should not eat meat or fish. Interestingly, the accepted legend of the Buddha’s death says that he died after accepting tainted meat (pork infected with Trichinosis) from his hosts while travelling. The meaning of the relevant word to describe this food, is however contested, for mamsa is not the usual term for meat. It is sukara-maddava, which translates as ‘pig’s delight’ and has been interpreted as meaning a kind of truffle favoured by pigs.
 There is a divergence of views within Buddhism as to whether vegetarianism is necessary, with some schools of Buddhism rejecting such a requirement. The first precept in Buddhism is usually translated as: I undertake the precept to refrain from taking life. Some Buddhists see this as implying that Buddhists should not eat meat, while others argue that this is not necessarily the case. Some Buddhists do strongly oppose meat-eating on the basis of emphatic scriptural injunctions against flesh-eating, issuing from the Buddha himself.
 In the Anguttara Nikaya 3.38 Sukhamala Sutra, Buddha describes his family as being wealthy enough to provide non-vegetarian meals even to the servants. After becoming Buddha, he accepted any food offered with respect as alms, including meat. But there is no reference to him eating meat during his seven years as an ascetic.
 On one occasion, according to the scriptures, a general sent a servant to purchase meat specifically to feed the Buddha. The Buddha declared that meat should not be eaten under three circumstances: when it is seen or heard or suspected that a living being has been purposely slaughtered for the eater. These Jivaka are the three circumstances in which meat should not be eaten. Jivaka! I declare there are three circumstances in which meat can be eaten: when it is not seen or heard or suspected that a living being has been purposely slaughtered for the eater.
 In this particular sutra, Buddha instructs a monk or nun to accept, without any discrimination, whatever food is offered as alms with good will, including meat. However, in the Vanijja Sutra, the Buddha declares the meat trade to be a wrong means of livelihood. Monks! Lay followers should not engage in five types of business. Which five? Business in weapons, business in human beings, business in meat, business in intoxicants and business in poison. These are the five types of businesses that a lay follower should not engage in.
 In the Nirvana sutra, a Mahayana Buddhist scripture purporting to give the Buddha’s final teachings, he insists that his followers should not eat any kind of meat or fish, and that even vegetarian food that has been touched by meat should be washed before being eaten. Also, it is not permissible for the monk or nun just to pick out the non-meat portions of a diet and leave the rest – the whole meal must be rejected.

Eating meat versus killing

Life is destroyed when farmers plough the ground or when food is cooked and insects are caught in the fire. Consequently, some Jain sources advocate avoidance of activities which are seen to have a more direct connection to killing, including all farming and eating of food, meat and root vegetables, which results in indirect destruction of animal and plant life. Some Jain monks are known to practice self-termination by starving themselves.
 In Buddhism, what is most important is to recognise that existence, by nature, is the cause of direct or indirect suffering and death (samsara). One should avoid gluttony and greedy consumption while maintaining a healthy diet, and a lifestyle which is conducive to attaining enlightenment. In the Pali canon which all Buddhist sects consider to be generally authentic, the Buddha, when asked, refused to institute vegetarianism in the monastic code.
 Mahayana Buddhism argues that if one pursues the path of the Bodhisattva for enlightenment, one should avoid meat eating to cultivate compassion for all living beings. Similarly, in Theravada Buddhism, avoiding meat eating for the purpose of cultivation of metta (loving kindness) is also seen to be in accord with Buddhist dharma. In most Buddhist branches, one may adopt vegetarianism if one so wishes, but it is not considered appropriate to attack another for eating meat.
 In Chinese Mahayana, vegetarianism is seen as a prerequisite for pursuing the path of the Bodhisattva. The argument for vegetarianism is made more forcefully, often to the extent of accusing those who eat meat of lacking compassion. Chinese Mahayanists do not accept the Pali sutras as definitive when they conflict with the Mahayana sutras, and consequently some do not accept that Gautama Buddha ever ate meat or permitted eating it, in accordance with the Lankavatara sutra.
 In the Pali canon, Buddha explicitly declared meat-eating to be karma neutral and once explicitly refused to institute vegetarianism in the monastic order. Theravada commentaries explain that the Buddha was making a distinction between the direct destruction of life and eating of already dead meat. Moreover, they point out that cultivation of vegetables also involves proxy killing. In fact, any act of consumption would cause some degree of proxy killing.
 Hence the Buddha advised his followers to avoid gluttony, or any other act of craving which leads to overconsumption.
 Certain Mahayana sutras do present the Buddha as very vigorously and unreservedly denouncing the eating of meat, mainly on the grounds that such an act is linked to the spreading of fear amongst sentient beings (who can allegedly sense the odour of death that lingers about the meat-eater, and who consequently fear for their own lives) and violates the Bodhisattva’s fundamental cultivation of compassion.
 Moreover, according to the Buddha, in the Angulimaliya sutra, since all beings share the same ‘dhatu’ (spiritual principle or essence) and are intimately related to one another, killing and eating other sentient creatures is tantamount to a form of self-killing and cannibalism. The sutras which inveigh against meat-eating include the Nirvana sutra, the Shurangama sutra, the Brahmajala sutra, the Angulimaliya sutra, the Mahamegha sutra and the Lankavatara sutra, as well as the Buddha’s comments on the negative karmic effects of meat consumption in the Karma sutra.
 In the Mahayana Mahaparinirvana sutra, which presents itself as the final elucidatory and definitive Mahayana teachings of the Buddha on the very eve of his death, the Buddha states that ‘the eating of meat extinguishes the seed of Great Kindness’, adding that all and every kind of meat and fish consumption (even of animals found already dead) is prohibited by him. He specifically rejects the idea that monks who go out begging and receive meat from a donor should eat it: “. . . it should be rejected . . . I say that even meat, fish, game, dried hooves and scraps of meat left over by others constitutes an infraction . . . I teach the harm arising from meat-eating.” The Buddha also predicts in this sutra, that later monks will ‘hold spurious writings to be the authentic Dharma’ and will concoct their own sutras and falsely claim that the Buddha allows the eating of meat, whereas he does not. A long passage in the Lankavatara sutra shows the Buddha speaking out very forcefully against meat consumption, and unequivocally in favor of vegetarianism, since the eating of the flesh of fellow sentient beings is said by him to be incompatible with the compassion that a Bodhisattva should strive to cultivate. In several other Mahayana scriptures too, (e.g., the Mahayana jatakas), the Buddha is seen clearly to indicate that meat-eating is undesirable and karmically unwholesome.
 In Tibetan Buddhism, a strong emphasis was placed on the number of esoteric sutras which were transmitted from Northern India. In these sutras, it is clearly stated that the practice of ‘Vajrayana’ would make vegetarianism unnecessary. A number of tantric texts frequently recommend alcohol and meat, though not all take such passages literally. Many traditions of the Ganachakra which is a type of Panchamakara puja, prescribe the offering and ingestion of meat and alcohol.
 

Buddhist views today

In the modern world, attitudes toward vegetarianism vary by location. In the Theravada countries of South East Asia and Sri Lanka, monks are allowed by the vinaya to accept almost any food that is offered to them including meat, unless they suspect the meat was slaughtered specifically for them; in China, Korea and Vietnam, monks are expected to eat no meat. In Taiwan, Buddhist monks, nuns and most lay followers eat no animal products or the fetid vegetables – traditionally garlic, Allium chinense, asafoetida, shallot, and Allium victorialis (victory onion or mountain leek) – although in modern times this rule is often interpreted to include other vegetables of the onion genus, as well as coriander. This is called Su vegetarianism. In Japan, some clergy practice vegetarianism, and most will do so at least when training at a monastery, but otherwise they typically do eat meat. In Tibet, where vegetables have been historically very scarce and the adopted vinaya was the Nikaya Sarvastivada, vegetarianism is very rare, although the Dalai Lama and other esteemed lamas invite their audiences to adopt vegetarianism when they can. Chatral Rinpoche in particular, has stated that anyone who wishes to be his student must be vegetarian.
 In the end, we can say that it should be left to your sensibilities and aesthetics to decide for yourself. So readers, use your conscience to know what you wish to do. Our attempt was to provide information in general and specifically in the Buddhist context.

Tantra teaches you that nothing is ugly or bad. Sex is definitely not bad as this was the cause of your birth. All those people who condemn sex condemn their parents and themselves. If sex is a sin, then you are born of sin. If sex is bad then you are bad. Husband and wife – a man and a woman have sex and as a result the man’s semen is released in the woman’s body. The meeting of the sperm and the ovum is the beginning of a new life, a new baby. Every saint and every sinner has got a physical body because of sex. How can one condemn sex? Our ancient seers respected life, and through their exploration Tantra was born. Tantra uses everything in its practice and talks about inclusion of food, sex, sensual experiences, imagination and mental creativity as media for the enhancement of spiritual life. If everything has come from a divine source, then how can anything be ugly? Many religious practitioners are waging a constant war and fighting against their own mind and body, whereas Tantra talks about acceptance and moving into the sensual materialistic world with a divine attitude, thus transiting through it smoothly. When you do not understand the body and the mind, then copulation is simply sex, but if you have an understanding of your body and mind, then the meeting of a man and a woman is not just sex – then the word in Sanskrit is ‘maithuna’. Maithuna means sex as a tool of not just seminal release and physical intimacy, but a ladder to evolve spiritually.
Vajroli is the practice included in maithuna or yogic intercourse. Through the practice of vajroli, sexual energy, hormones and secretions are re-assimilated in the body. Its outcome is the union of the negative and positive poles of energy within the body. Vajroli is a mudra to be practiced by men and sahjoli by women; these mudras help to understand the muscular movements of the sexual organs so that one understands clearly what happens from the time of arousal to the time of ejaculation.  The purpose of this is to save the bindu, that is the semen, even in maithuna the objective is to use the body for a higher purpose even in sex, and definitely in spiritual practices. Vajra means ‘thunderbolt’ or ‘lightning’. It is also the name of Lord Indra’s weapon and means ‘the mighty one’. In this context vajra refers to the vajra nadi which governs the uro-genital system. It is the second innermost layer of the sushumna nadi. Vajra nadi is the energy flow within the spine and governs the sexual systems of the body. In mundane life it is responsible for sexual behaviour and this aspect has been termed called ‘libido’ by Dr. Freud, and as ‘orgone’ by Dr. Reich. In tantric sadhana this energy is not suppressed but is awakened and redirected. OH mudras (vajroli, sahajoli and amaroli) are those which specifically sublimate sexual energy into ojas (vitality) and kundalini shakti.
According to the Shatkarma Sangraha there are seven practices in vajroli. This involves years of preparation which starts with the simple contraction of the uro-genital muscles, and later on the sucking up of liquids. Only after the sixth practice is perfected can the seventh be successfully attempted by the yogi. By and large, people have come to believe that these practices are unnatural or unhealthy. Many commentators of the Hatha Yoga Pradipika avoid discussing these slokas, dismissing them as obscene practices indulged in by low-caste tantrics. Obviously they have an incorrect understanding of the practice. People have concocted the notion that spiritual life is different from mundane life, and because of past religious conditioning the physical body has become perverted. These people must realize that spiritual life is neither anti-sex nor asexual, and sexual life is neither anti-spiritual nor aspiritual.
Of course celibacy has its own rewards, but according to tantra it should arise spontaneously and not out of suppression. Suppression of sex will give rise to diseases in the mind and body. The sexual urges will be strong and if the control mechanism is just repression, then the urges will win and the person will sink deep into guilt. No wonder you find most sadhus so sad and dejected. Family life is a way of growing and understanding about life and its day to day practice. Spiritual life means developing awareness by applying the higher mind to the experiences of the body. Whatever we do should be a means to creating yoga in our being. Why should sexual life be excluded? According to this sloka, sexual life can be elevated from the sensual to the spiritual plane if it is practiced in a particular way, and for this vajroli mudra has been prescribed.
A person who has perfect control of the body and mind is a yogi in every situation. A person who gorges on food, is just as ‘obscene’ as a person who indulges in uncontrolled sexual acts. Sexual life has three purposes, and this should be understood. For the tamasic person, it is progeny; for the rajasic person, it is pleasure; for a satwic person, it is enlightenment.
The desire to release semen is an instinctive urge experienced throughout nature and not only by humans. Therefore, there should be no guilt or shame associated with it. Animal consciousness is not the end stage in the evolutionary destiny of a human being. Man’s potential for ‘bliss’ can be extended beyond the momentary experience which accompanies the release of semen. Semen and ova contain evolutionary potential and if these can be controlled, then not only the body but also the mind can be controlled.
Nature has provided the mechanism of seminal release, but although it is generally not known, nature has also provided a means to control this mechanism through various practices of hatha yoga. If the release of semen can be controlled, a new range of experience dawns. Those experiences are also endowed by nature, even if only a few people have gained them. Therefore the techniques should not be considered against the natural order.
Although medical science has generally failed to acknowledge the fact, uncontrolled release of semen throughout life does contribute to premature deterioration of the vital capacities of the brain, overburdens the heart and depletes the nervous system. Actually it is a matter of degree and there is no limit to perfection. Many men die prematurely of physical and mental exhaustion with their dreams unfulfilled and their goals unattained. However, if the process of seminal release can be arrested, so that energy and spermatozoa do not escape through the regenerative organ, but are redirected upwards into the higher brain centres, then a greater awakening can take place; a greater vision can be realized, and a greater vital power can be directed towards accomplishments in life.
According to the sloka, if vajroli is well practised, even in an otherwise free lifestyle, that yogi’s attainments in life will be greater, and a greater source of vital and mental power becomes available to him. A few great yogis and masters had these experiences and have therefore instructed their disciples in the vajroli mudra – a hatha yoga technique.
In mundane life, the climax of sexual experience is the one time when the mind becomes completely void of its own accord, and consciousness beyond the body can be glimpsed. However, that experience is short-lived because the energy is expressed through the lower energy centres. This energy which is normally lost can be used to awaken the dormant power of kundalini in the mooladhara. If the sperm can be withheld – the energy and not the sperm, as many have misunderstood – the energy can be channelized through the sushumna nadi and the central nervous system, to the dormant areas of the brain and to the sleeping consciousness.
The sex act is the one means to totally concentrate and captivate the mind, but in tantra it should not be the ordinary experience; the experience has to be more than a gross or sensual one. Awareness and control have to be developed. The senses have to be developed. The senses have to be utilized, but only as the means of awakening the higher consciousness, not the animal consciousness, and for this vajroli mudra and various tantric rituals are to be perfected.
Vajroli mudra is an important practice today in kali yuga when man’s ability and need to express himself in the material and sensual world is predominating. We have to act in the external world and simultaneously develop inner awareness. The purpose of life should be to attain a deeper and more fulfilling experience beyond the empirical sensory experience alone.
Man has four basic desires known as purushartha the first of which is kama or sensual gratification, others being dharma, arth and mokhsha. This needs to be fulfilled to a certain extent but should not pull the consciousness down. It should be a means to accomplish a greater result.
Every action, including the sex act, should be directed towards realizing the truth of existence. Then you are living a spiritual life. Spiritual life does not depend on living up to puritanical morality. If you can follow such puritanical ideals and attain enlightenment, then practice them, but do not condemn others who cannot. The moment you create rigid ideals that the spiritual path has to be ‘like this’ and cannot be ‘like that’ you are limiting your own ability to have a total experience.
Spiritual unfoldment is the process of evolution. It can happen slowly through millions of years as the process of nature, or it can be accelerated through the practices of yoga. Vajroli mudra accelerates this rate of evolution. Practice of vajroli regulates the entire sexual system. Testosterone level and sperm production are influenced. Even if the yogi is a householder, he does not lose the semen. Therefore, whether one has sexual interactions or not, vajroli should be practised. The vajroli mudra can be learnt from a master, as it is very delicate methodology thus the details are not being given here for now. The deeper understanding of muscles in your genitals areas is needed and also the ability to differentiate the muscles which are used for urination and for seminal release have to be understood very deeply before you are given the method to practice. So gently and gradually as you grow in your practice, the vajroli mudra gets mastered and then you have the know how to protect your body from early degeneration and depletion of Ojas the life force.

If sex is normal and natural, then why have gurus, mahatmas and prophets denounced it? Why have they said no to it?

 This is a gross misrepresentation, a wrong interpretation of facts. They have not denounced sex – I do not think any of them have done so. Yes, Buddha and Mahavira did but they had a reason for it; those who did not also had a reason for it. There is nothing which the seers say that is unreasonable; every master has his own individual approach to the subject.
Sometimes it is the inability of the disciples to clearly decipher what the Master actually means, therefore they interpret his statements according to their limited understanding. There is often a big difference between what is said and meant by a master and what is understood by the disciples! What is meant is not really understood most of the time. And what is not said is taken literally as meant! It is very difficult to monitor and control what people are going to make of the words spoken by the Master.
The mating cycles of animals are seasonal and controlled by nature. Animals do not mate throughout the year; in human beings there is no fixed season or cycle. Though the sex hormones are controlled by the body, they are not sensitive to seasons, and so human beings have the flexibility and freedom to choose the time and duration of the sex act. Human beings have an highly evolved brain – a tool animals lack. Humans have the liberty to choose when, where and how much sex they would like to have.
Now the question is: What does sex do for you? This is something which must be understood before you condemn or glorify sex; before you reject it or extol its virtues. What does it give you? – This is a very important question. 99.9 percent human beings have sex because their body demands it of them. It is not the mind, remember that it is the body that demands and requires sex! The glandular system of the human body is made in such a way that after the age of 12 – though this age limit is receding and is even 10 in some cases – but 11 to 12 years is the average global age when the hormones begin to be secreted in the human body.
In the female body it is estrogen and progesterone, and in the male it is the hormone testosterone which is secreted in the sex glands. There are major glands working right from your brain to your genitals. There are multiple glands which function and when these chemicals are released in the body, it goes through a change; the mind too goes through a tumultuous change.
Before these hormones are activated, five or six year-old children are happy to be in one another’s company irrespective of sex. But today, because of the early and excessive exposure to media, children are aware of their physical differences much before their time, even when they are not mentally ready to handle the information. Till the age of 5 to 6 years, if you put children together, they may get inquisitive about each other’s body – just to see the differences – but they don’t get sexually excited. Why is that? Because there are no hormones yet; there are no chemical secretions in the bodies which excite them. At that time there is an absolute absence of sex or sexuality in the child’s body.
As the body grows, the glands begin to function and secrete hormones; the body begins to undergo changes. In our brain, there are areas which assist the chemicals to raise urges in the body, and when this urge is present, it needs to be satisfied; and it will be satisfied one way or the other. In the past, even in pre-historical times if I may say, there was no society, no religion, no morality, and men and women lived exactly as any animal would. Whenever they felt the urge or the excitement, there was no restriction on them, there was no moral binding and so they would copulate anywhere and anytime. Slowly various aspects of civilization entered the picture – morality, ethics and social discipline.  When, how, what, why, where: all these things came into the picture.
The urge for sex is perfectly natural. We never denounce anyone who says he is hungry; well, if they are hungry you serve food. But if someone says I am sexually hungry? No one will dare to say it in public! He might be the most lecherous or libidinous person, but he would never ever express it verbally. Given the situation, such people will not verbalize their need, but their mind and body will be highly stimulated.
What does sex give? Momentary pleasure and momentary release of stress! What gives satisfaction? Is it the act or is it the seminal release which gives satisfaction? What exactly happens? I am talking from the physiological point of view. Keep aside spirituality, religion and all that stuff for the time being. The physical touch and intimacy is there, but we are not talking about intimacy or companionship. We are talking about the hardcore truth of sexual release. What happens at that time?
An electric current flows from the hypothalamus to the genitals at the moment of ejaculation – and time stops for a fraction of a moment – this is what everyone is looking for. Everything before that is just preparation, but the whole essence of the sexual act can be summarized into this one point. It is a high point – but after this one high point there is a big low. The big low is that this isn’t going to give you satisfaction for long and the mind will again hanker after that moment. It isn’t going to give you real contentment, and the mind which receives stimulation from so many areas again develops a false hunger for sex which keeps on growing.
Our scriptures say that at the time of seminal discharge, it isn’t just the semen which is lost but also ojas. When translated into English, ojas means the cosmic bio-energy, the energy which makes your body function. It is that unseen energy which runs the bio-electrical forces in your body. And this body is just like a machine which needs fuel; this fuel comes from ojas.
Ojas is formed partly from the nutrition that comes from food, and largely from the pranic force. It is not just the food but the cosmic pranic energy which runs your whole system. The six major systems cannot function if there is no ojas in the body.
At the moment of release, it is not just ojas and semen which is lost, but also ojas the bio-fuel of the body. This depletes the energy of the body and the mind.
What is the mind? It is the invisible part of your body. And what is the body? We can say that it is the gross aspect of the mind. With pranic energy, the mind and body are able to function in conjunction. Sexual contact might give you a release at the physical level, but what you lose is something which is unseen, but very valuable. That is the reason why all the Masters talk about understanding the urge, understanding the fact, understanding what you will get and understanding what you will lose in the act of sex.
The yogis went far ahead of this level too. I am talking about those yogis who understood the functioning of the pranic energy in the body; who of their own will could stop their heartbeat and pulse; those who had mastered the body in such a mind boggling way. They gave a very deep thought to the subject of sex. A man needs sex for that is how nature has made man. It is not just for procreation – there are some hidden purposes too. In itself, sex is beautiful, but what you lose is so big that it cannot be compensated by anything else.
This pranic energy is the most important thing in your spiritual practice and the yogis went a step ahead. They said: sex gives the mind a single moment of happiness – can that moment be created without the physical act? And the answer is…. Yes! The answer is yes! And from this ‘yes’ the whole mechanism was explored and amazing methodologies were born. A male doesn’t need a female and a female doesn’t need a male for that one moment of happiness  – just by using their own pranic energy they can experience that moment when this electric current is passed from the hypothalamus to the genitals – without losing semen an orgasmic experience can be gained.
Understand that sex is not centered in the genital organs but in the brain. It is not between the legs; it arises in the brain. If one knows how to handle the brain waves then anything is possible. No woman or man can give an orgasmic experience such as the one experienced by oneself without a partner. The Vama Marga Tantra describes beautiful methods for couples to experience their first ever experience of divinity in meditativeness. This experience is only possible between a couple who are deeply in love and who are deeply dedicated to one another. With training, a perfect moment can be achieved between an evolved couple.
Shiva’s Vigyan Bhairav Tantra Sutra talks about it and in my understanding this is the oldest and the first original scripture where hundred and twelve methods of the inward journey have been explained by Shiva to his beautiful consort and disciple Parvati. Even in Yogini Tantra Shastra, there are methods which were taught to men and women – ways to transcend animal sex – without denouncing sex and without labeling it as bad or as a sin. Sex is neither bad nor ugly; sexuality is. Shiva has described sex in such a beautiful way that it has got a spiritual color.
No wonder we have temples like Khajuraho and the caves of Ajanta and Ellora, where sex is depicted as being godly in its purity. These beautiful places are symbols of our intelligent forefathers who never condemned sex, yet today people view these places as symbols of erotica. And I see it as a sign of humanity’s journey; different planes through which every individual consciousness has to pass; from the physical plane to the mental, and from the mental to the spiritual, and finally to a plane where there is no label at all – where there is total shoonyata; total silence.
Coming back to the aspect of physical release, actually this depletes you of your pranic energy. The seers gave a serious thought to this. They felt that if it is a matter of only one moment, then why can it not be achieved without the physical act? Then there would be no dependence for men and women – every man is a slave to his wife and every wife is a slave to her husband – just for sex. If we eliminate the urge for sex, which can be done very easily – one injection of particular chemicals will make you a perfect celibate for a small period of time – then you will not get excited even if the most curvaceous woman is standing stark naked in front of you, because your brain will not react to the visual.
Yoga masters have devised methods by which you can experience the high moment for not just a small time but for hours together; you can remain in the orgasmic state without going into the physical act and without losing your pranic energy. On the contrary, your pranic energy and ojas levels are elevated.
But people who could not understand this, knew that it is difficult to deal with weaknesses of the mind and the attractions of the physical world. The easiest way was to simply denounce sex and to run away from it. They labelled it as bad, but it is definitely not a sin. If you indulge in sex without understanding it, then you are just an animal. Once more I will say that it’s not bad, it’s not ugly, and it’s not sinful.
All those who have denounced it were unwise. There have been contradictory reactions to this whole thing – there have been people who have denounced it and there have been people who have glorified it. Two contradictory and opposite definitions have been given to it. One says: Leave it, throw it, it is dirty, it is sin! Another school of thought says: It is the most beautiful thing, have as much as you can.
People’s lives, their whole thinking and life style revolve around sex. Clothes, jewellery, cars, houses, jobs: man is striving so hard to attain all this to impress women or win women. Why does a woman spend hours and hours on looking beautiful? The only objective is sex.
This is their only avenue for stress release, appreciation, attention and happiness. They have firsthand information on it in their subconscious from scores of previous lives, which they may not be able to recollect at the conscious level. And the urge to be in that one moment is so huge that all the munis, mahatamas, sadhus and gurus denounce it; ordinary people too say, “Oh! It is bad!” And yet everybody ends up having sex. Sadhus make people take a vow that on particular days they will abstain, but somehow the vow is broken and then the guilt takes over! And out of guilt they end up giving huge donations to their religious institutions so that they are pardoned.
Every grown-up, every adult and every teenager should know what sex is all about. Every one should know and understand what sex is and what it will give you.
A young boy was very frustrated because his girlfriend had ditched him. He wanted her but she was not interested. Then one day he dared to propose to her and she straightaway rejected him. He came to me and said that he was going through hell; the girl he loved had rejected him; there was no hope for him and he felt like committing suicide. I said, “You are a young man and it is natural for you to be attracted to a girl, but why do you think that there will be only one girl in your life? You are handsome and you will get many girls!” When I said this, he started believing my words. “Oh! Gurumaa is saying this! Maybe it’s a prophecy that I will get many girls!” Therefore he started listening to me more attentively!
I said, “There is something lacking in you, you don’t have the aura which can attract females.” He said, “How can I get it?” “Well,” I said, “You need to do certain things.” By chance at that time I had Hatha Yoga Pradipika with me. In it there is a shloka which says that those who regularly practice Ashtanga Yoga, Kapalbhati and Ujjayi Pranayama, get a moon-like glow on their faces and they shine like love; like God! They drink divine ambrosia and their body glows such that even heavenly woman are attracted to them – to the man who has mastered his body and mind. I said, “Read this.” Now this was a game, a scriptural endorsement of what I had said. I said, “For now if you do this, you will begin to develop an aura and then you will shine; the day you shine, there will be a line of girls for you.”
He started practicing what I had said. I knew the whole game inside out, but he never knew what my game was! After a month or so, he came to me again and said, “Gurumaa, I have something to say: “Now that I am doing as you have instructed, I am very much at peace and now my heart is not troubled. I also feel very energetic. But the problem is that if I go deeper into this, I will not have any urge left for any girl! I said, “Well! That is my whole objective – that you do not become a slave of any woman for sex!”
Once you have tasted the nectar of divinity, you can no longer behave like an animal; you cannot remain a libidinous person who just thinks and dreams of sex alone.
I would like to explain the psychology of women: a woman is more satisfied with a man who treats her at the level of the mind and does not just use her body. Most wives hate their husbands; they feel they are wanted just for sex – as if they are just a body; they are used and abused. Husbands and wives just use one another, so hatred begins to brim deep in their minds and that is one of the reasons for unreasonable bickering and fighting. They can’t really identify or understand the cause of their hurting one another, as they do not have a deep understanding of their mind and emotions.
It is hard to find a husband and wife who don’t fight or who don’t accuse one another. For any small error, mistake or mishap in their life, they begin to accuse one another. If a child falls sick, or fails in a school exam, they accuse one another.
A woman needs to be treated with love and respect. Every man wants to be appreciated loved and respected; if he sees that his wife is loving only when she needs money, then how can he be happy? If a woman sees that the whole day her husband ignores her and abuses her, but at night he wants sex, she won’t see this as an act of love – on the contrary she will hate him all the more for it. A woman will be satisfied with a man who treats her at the level of her mind, who gels with her emotions and listens to her thoughts. Sex is a basic need of the body, as love is the need of the mind. Loveless sex is equivalent to rape; today the law too recognizes this and they call it marital rape, where the husband forces himself on his wife against her wish. Human beings want love, attention, understanding and companionship – sex is just one part of the relationship.
Loveless sex is a trap and most people are ignorantly bound in it. Say someone puts you in confinement, you are imprisoned in jail – but it is a fantastic jail. It’s a palace with all luxuries and comforts. Once I was the guest of a rich person who was staying in Burj-al-Arab, one of the most luxurious eight-star hotels in the world. Think of richness, luxury, opulence and it was there. A most fantastic sea-view, all bathroom fittings in gold, a personal butler – the list goes on and on. But what if you are imprisoned in this opulent room; you are provided with the best of champagne, food and clothes, but you cannot leave, you cannot go out of the room?
Sex at the level of the body is just like a jail; you get tempted and you get relief, but you cannot come out of it. Understand that your body has a limit, but the mind has no limit – that is why people remain mentally dissatisfied, even if they go through scores of partners.
Guru says don’t indulge in this futile thing; it isn’t going to give you anything at all, it will just extract your energy, your life and your aura. The time which could have been devoted to understanding your inner journey is being wasted. Do not waste it! Sex was not condemned per se, but for the waste of the quality time spent on it that could have been used to achieve a much higher purpose.
Do you have any idea how much time people spend thinking about sex? Just think of how much time people spend looking for it. Hours and hours of precious life are being given to grooming yourself and decorating yourself so that you attract the opposite sex’s attention. The young in mind and body spend hours and hours beautifying themselves, so that they may get the best life partner. And yet, are those who have, really happy with their life, or are even they looking for something else?
They aren’t, because the mind is still going to run the race. A mind obsessed with sex, will miss so much in life. Sex is not bad but the obsession with sex is wrong. Sex can be a useful tool but it can’t be made the sole objective of life. Sex is a lower rung on the staircase of life; one has to keep on moving higher and higher to experience fullness and to attain evolvement.
Most of the Masters in India were married. There were others like Narada, Sanatan, Sant Kumar, Ashtavakra and Shukdev, who chose to remain unmarried. But it was just a personal choice and they never made it mandatory for every seeker. The majority of the Masters were married and some of them were even married more than once. Yagnyavalka married twice and lived happily with both wives, till a time came when he wished to remain alone. He asked his wives to divide the property amongst themselves, but one of them said that his true knowledge was the treasure in which she was interested, and so she would go along with him and he would have to share with her whatever he gained. But the other wife was happy with material possessions so she stayed back.
Many gurus and yogis like Ramakrishna and others were married. One’s guruship is not endangered because one in married. Those who understood the mechanisms of the mind and the body knew how to use them; they had the eyes to see beauty in all phases of life. Beauty is very fragile, you can destroy it with your ignorance, and you can also create it and see it in the dirtiest thing. As such, nothing is dirty and nothing is beautiful – how you receive and perceive it, present and use it is what makes sense of it. The Masters knew what sex can give and what it cannot give. These were the only people who could actually use sex appropriately. Those who don’t know are just led by their urges; they indulge in it and the act happens unconsciously. In Vama Marga Tantra, sex is one of the tools for meditation. No normal man or woman can even think of attempting these methods as they were designed for spiritual practioners, those who had gone beyond the urges of mind and body, who had attained purity, integrity and high levels of concentration. Today the entire Western world knows Tantra as the Eastern art of lovemaking; it is a total devaluation of Tantra.

Sex is, was and will remain the biggest issue in men and women’s lives. It is craved and yet it is taboo! It is desired, hated, dreamed about, grabbed forcefully, wished for and condemned – all at the same time! This is the eternal truth about sex! Man is bound in it and bound by it; he cannot live without it, and yet all religious authorities, gurus, swamis and yogis collectively condemn it! But humanity is obsessed with it! What a dilemma for poor human beings!
We need to understand that this is a basic instinct given to all beings – animals, birds, mammals, reptiles and humans – by nature. Nature is a creation of god and god is great! Is that not true? If your answer is yes, then nature cannot be impure, and its creations – the body and sex are not impure either.
Sex is the energy to create a new life; sex is a source of enjoyment too . Human beings understand the language of touch and they desire a loving and affectionate touch. A baby sleeps peacefully when stroked lovingly by its mother. The hand of a husband, wife, friend, colleague, mother or father, placed reassuringly on the shoulder is always a morale booster. When a loved one pats our head, Oh! we love it. Human beings understand the language of touch. Touch gives a physical expression to our innermost feelings. We love to be held, cuddled and embraced. We have to accept this first and then we can move deeper into the subject.
Men and women are complementary to one another, therefore a mutual attraction occurs. With the growth of the body and mind, the surging hormones lead to attraction. No one teaches a boy and a girl to like one another or to want one another; to woo one another or to go on a date etc. Rather, society in general wishes to keep them apart, as parents’ fear that something wrong may happen. Well, what new will happen that the parents themselves have not done? Even so, girls in a family grow under the watchful eagle-eye of parents, brothers and other family members. But can they really be stopped? The truth is that boys and girls will remain boys and girls, and therefore the more they are denied proximity, the more they will be attracted to one another.
At one time, it was during college that girls and boys would have their first sexual encounter, but now it is happening as early as the school level. Today children have better information even without their parents or teachers explaining what sex is.
Mr Dutta thought it was the right time to teach his growing younger son Amit, all about the birds and the bees. It was difficult for the father to explain everything to his young son, so he tried his level best to use the right words, diluted the terms, and attempted the right usage of sentences in order to explain this natural phenomenon occurring between the opposite sexes. After two hours of explaining, exhausted and flushed he asked Amit, “Have you understood?” The son nodded a big yes and went out to his elder brother Rohit who was playing in the ground. “What happened inside?” asked Rohit. Amit said, “Nothing much, what we were doing with the girls yesterday behind the cars, well, father says the birds and the bees do the same.”
Whenever society says no to something, they are actually giving a hidden invitation to do that very thing. A mental attitude is formed that it must be something good and exciting that is allowed to adults alone and not to children and teenagers. Slowly children learn in their own Columbus-style explorations what it is that is being kept a secret from them. Earlier this information came from older friends, nowadays it is the internet where all information is available, and lest you forget, on the net pornography is shown in its true colors.
I ask all readers, can you say that you or your children haven’t watched a pornographic site? Just surprise your children by suddenly appearing behind them when they are doing their so called school project on the computer. Today, when pornography is available right on your mobile, how can you shut your eyes to this and how can you stop your children from experiencing it before time? Yes, it is a social norm at least in India, that sex is acceptable only after marriage. So girls are being educated in order to become eligible for marriage to the right boy. And get married for what? You know it, don’t you?
Sometimes boys and even girls break this rule and have their fun. Married people are definitely into it; the unmarried are waiting for their license. On the other hand there are monks and nuns living in ashrams and monasteries who have been asked to shun sex totally. They do try hard, very hard! So hard that they begin to have nightfalls – aka wet dreams! The bolder ones masturbate and the even bolder ones look for a mate. Then there are still others who feel so guilty that the next morning they will pray all the more ardently, telling their beads with vigour and feelings of guilt. Monasteries do not allow spicy food – food that incites sexual feelings. Men and women are kept apart so that no accidents happen. Day and night sermons are given that sex is bad, filthy, a sin and hated by God.
Every other day we hear stories of gurus sexually exploiting their disciples, and whether or not these stories are true, everyone is ready to believe them, as people know from their first-hand experience that it is the most difficult thing to control oneself. Anyhow, church and temple authorities have been accused of sexual molestation; children are the targets of pedophile priests and gurus. All those who denounce sex have been found to be guilty of that which they speak against! So the bhogi – those who indulge in sex – and the tyagi – the renunciate – are both involved in it. In a way, all of society seems to be revolving around sex.
Why is society so conscious of fashion, dressing up, money, status, family and success? Well, it is for sex! Suppose you are holed up at home or marooned on an isolated island with no one around you, would you still dress up and show off your body, brains or money? Man can live without money, name and fame, but not without sex. No wonder children are produced even in poverty! They are just born accidentally!
If you analyze your mental attitudes, you will learn that their roots go deeper than the level of mere thought. All the roots of your attitudes lie in the primitive fountains: food, sex, sleep and self-preservation. More than anything else it is sex which is the most alluring and powerful root that triggers impulsive reactions in the body and mind. It is a strange dilemma of man. What can be done about this? First and foremost we need to understand that sex can’t be bad, otherwise god wouldn’t have created it. And if god has created it then there must be some purpose to it. Indeed, a purpose is there!
At the physical and mental level it is a great stress reliever and pleasure giver; procreation happens because of it. If your parents had not had sex then you wouldn’t have been born, right? So we were born because of our parent’s sexual activity. All avatars, gurus, yogis, devotees, bhaktas, scientists, poets, ordinary and extra-ordinary beings have been born of sexual activity. So indeed it is a good thing – right? Do you agree? Well! You should!
At the spiritual level it is said that when a mentally and spiritually evolved man and woman first had sex, it was the time when the first glimpse of beyond-ness was experienced. The first lightning experience of divinity happened in that moment. As the couple was highly intelligent, they started working on it, understanding, exploring what it was and what it meant. Maybe hereafter the existence of something beyond, an higher energy, an higher being – God – was realized. As per Hindu scriptures they were none other than Shiva and Parvati. This divine couple is adored and worshipped; their teachings are meditated upon. This happened many many kalpas ago – exactly when can’t be stated in chronological terms. There is a system in Vedic mathematics to understand how many trillion years are there in one kalpa – and this happened many kalpas ago. This story has traveled to us in time.
Our seers worked intensively to understand why the urge for sex is there, why man behaves in certain ways when he is around women. Animals have a fixed mating season but human beings have no fixed season; they are always involved in it. After years of observation they came to various conclusions which were not random but arrived at after a critical analysis of hundreds and thousands of men and women. They laid down certain rules to explore sex and also ways to sublimate it.
In Vedic times human life was assumed to be of one hundred years, and was divided into four ashrams or schools – brahmacharaya, grihastha, vanaprastha and sanyas. Girls and boys were sent to a gurukul to study subjects like astrology, mathematics, yoga, psychology and Sanskrit. While living in a pious environment, children were exposed to a rigorous discipline and higher learning. On completion of their studies, it was suggested that they marry a person of their choice. Many people live for sex, but when the opportunity comes they cannot enjoy it. To experience this enjoyment, a person needs inner strength and sometimes that is not there. Sometimes due to food habits, lack of rest or lack of quality sleep, the body is not coordinated with the mind. Then you find yourself incapable of some actions or of behaving correctly while performing the sexual act; this leads to apprehension. Gurukul trained people to be strong of mind and body and to lead a disciplined life.
Sex can be very harmful and unproductive if it is done without love. Some people do it like a physical exercise, but this is not a healthy way to approach sex. Your appetite for food is directly related to your body, but sex is not directly related to your body. Unless the thought or feeling comes into your mind, you cannot perform sex. Sexuality occurs in the mind first, and is then expressed through the body. The desire for food occurs in the body first and later affects the mind. Therefore our sages laid great stress on the importance of training the mind and the brain through various yogic postures and methods of dharana and dhyana to achieve the desired balance. A couple who is well educated and has meditated and served their masters, have all the required patience, tolerance, control and education about body and mind; one who has not trained the body cannot really enjoy sex.
Thus, for years before entering into matrimony, both were trained morally, physically and intellectually, so that when marriage took place, life would be enriched with beautiful colors. Sex between those who respect and love one another can be a great experience. And after twenty-five years of sexual experiences, both man and woman would outgrow the need for sex. But remember, the experience of sex for intelligent loving couples can give rise to the wisdom for them to come out of it.
Once they would cross the age of fifty, both would begin to prepare to hand over the family responsibility to the older son. They’d prepare to move from grihastha ashram to vanaprastha ashram, dedicating more time to sadhana. And if either of the partners would desire sex, then maybe they would revert to the guru and gurukul, to take up intensive and dedicated practices for the remainder of their life.
But we are living in a very different society where the ashram system is hardly practiced. This means that the full responsibility to train ourselves is ours. Sex begins from a thought in the head and then the brain, supported by glandular systems, arouses the body. If the mind is calm and the brain is balanced, then the urges won’t be there; it would be more like a system which is well managed and is used when a conscious decision to use it is made. Sex has to be experienced with wisdom and the knowledge that it won’t give permanent peace; it is just a temporary method to feel good.
It can’t give you ananda, not from this woman nor from that one; not from this man nor from that handsome hulk. Sex as such won’t last for more than a few minutes, so how can it give you long lasting happiness? If you still wish to – go ahead and enjoy.

Question: Can a good experience of sex give us the understanding to come out of it?

Answer: No, it won’t give the understanding to come out of sex; do not jump to conclusions. The whole world is sexed up, having loads of sex. Are they getting wiser and coming out of it? No, they are not. Wisdom may or may not come with direct experience. Sometimes highly evolved sages who had matured to the level of sublimation of sex, are born in their present life with wisdom, hence they do not have to go back to the same class of sex again.
But yes, they won’t condemn sex either; those who do so are definitely not wise. Wisdom and experience may happen side by side, or wisdom alone may be sufficient to come out of it. As long as sex is needed one should not deny oneself, but if it becomes an obsession, then something definitely needs to be done. As a dry leaf simply drops off the branch, similarly one day the sex urge wanes.

Question: Is sex a hindrance to spiritual practice?

Answer: No, sex isn’t a hindrance, but understand that if your mind thinks about sex compulsively or suppresses sex, then it is a hindrance. It is just like if you are hungry you eat food; eating is not bad but if someone keeps thinking about food – that is sick! If sexual thoughts are overpowering your mind, then how can you focus on anything else? If the mere sight of a woman or a girl is enough to arouse you, then there is a problem. Do not be sexually starved and do not treat sex at just the physical level. Sex minus love is animalistic where each partner is using the other for pleasure and release.
It amounts to treating a person like an object – no one likes that! When sex is the end purpose of a relationship, there will be frustrations, agitations and accusations. There will be a struggle to overpower one another. When husband and wife are wrestling with one another, then how can one come out of the need for sex? Sex should happen when they understand each other, love and respect each other – then sex can be beautiful and will help to move deeper in love. From mere copulation it will lead to a spiritual union. Human beings need love – not just sex or physical touch. Love satisfies the mind, sex doesn’t.

Question: How can we avoid thinking about sex?

Answer: You will think about it if you want to think about it. When you have nothing meaningful to do then sexuality will fill the space.  If your heart and mind is filled with music, creativity, poetry and prayer, can there be room for anything else? When you experience bliss from within, then sex won’t even come in your distant thoughts.
Man is looking for joy and happiness. If he knows where it is in its concentrated, truest and purest form – that is in divine love – then he will never ever be satisfied with sex alone, which has just the weakest ray of joy in it and yet seems so tempting to everybody.

Marriage is a necessary part of any organized society, but you seem to be against the institution of marriage. What do you say? Please also explain the problem of sex. Why has it become, next to war, the most urgent problem of our day?
 To ask a question is easy, but what is difficult is to look very carefully into the problem, which itself contains the answer. To understand this problem, we must see its enormous implications. This is difficult, because our time is limited and I shall have to be brief; and if you don’t follow very closely, you may not be able to understand. Let us investigate the problem and not the answer, because the answer is in the problem, not away from it. The more I understand the problem, the clearer I see the answer. If you merely look for an answer, you will not find one, because you will be seeking an answer away from the problem. Let us look at marriage, but not theoretically or as an ideal – which is rather absurd. Let us not idealize marriage, let us look at it as it is, for then we can do something about it. If you make it rosy, then you can’t act; but if you look at it and see it exactly as it is, then perhaps you will be able to act.
 Now, what actually takes place? When one is young, the biological, sexual urge is very strong, and in order to set a limit to it you have the institution called marriage. There is the biological urge on both sides, so you marry and have children. You tie yourself to a man or to a woman for the rest of your life, and in doing so you have a permanent source of pleasure, a guaranteed security, with the result that you begin to disintegrate; you live in a cycle of habit, and habit is disintegration. To understand this biological, this sexual urge requires a great deal of intelligence, but we are not educated to be intelligent. We merely get on with a man or a woman with whom we have to live. I marry at 20 or 25, and I have to live for the rest of my life with a woman whom I have not known. I have not known a thing about her, and yet you ask me to live with her for the rest of my life. Do you call that marriage?
 As I grow and observe, I find her to be completely different from me, her interests are different from mine; she is interested in clubs, I am interested in being very serious, or vice versa. And yet we have children – that is the most extraordinary thing. Sirs, don’t look at the ladies and smile; it is your problem. So, I have established a relationship the significance of which I do not know, I have neither discovered it nor understood it.
 It is only for the very, very few who love, that the married relationship has significance, and then it is unbreakable, then it is not mere habit or convenience, nor is it based on a biological sexual need. In that love which is unconditional the identities are fused, and in such a relationship there is a remedy, there is hope. But for most of you, the married relationship is not fused. To fuse the separate identities, you have to know yourself, and she has to know herself. That means to love. But there is no love – which is an obvious fact. Love is fresh, new, not mere gratification, not mere habit. It is unconditional. You don’t treat your husband or wife that way, do you? You live in your isolation, and she lives in her isolation, and you have established your habits of assured sexual pleasure. What happens to a man who has an assured income? Surely, he deteriorates. Have you not noticed it? Watch a man who has an assured income and you will soon see how rapidly his mind withers away. He may have a big position, a reputation for cunning, but the full joy of life is gone out of him.
 Similarly, you have a in which you have a permanent source of pleasure, a habit without understanding, without love, and you are forced to live in that state. I am not saying what you should do; but look at the problem first. Do you think that is right? It does not mean that you must throw off your wife and pursue somebody else. What does this relationship mean? Surely, to love is to be in communion with somebody; but are you in communion with your wife, except physically? Do you know her, except physically? Does she know you? Are you not both isolated, each pursuing his or her own interests, ambitions and needs, each seeking from the other gratification, economic or psychological security? Such a relationship is not a relationship at all: it is a mutually self-enclosing process of psychological, biological and economic necessity, and the obvious result is conflict, misery, nagging, possessive fear, jealousy, and so on. Do you think such a relationship is productive of anything except ugly babies and an ugly civilization? Therefore, the important thing is to see the whole process, not as something ugly, but as an actual fact which is taking place under your very nose; and realizing that, what are you going to do? You cannot just leave it at that; but because you do not want to look into it, you take to drink, to politics, to a lady around the corner, to anything that takes you away from the house and from that nagging wife or husband – and you think you have solved the problem!
 That is your life, is it not? Therefore, you have to do something about it, which means you have to face it, and that means, if necessary, breaking up; because, when a father and mother are constantly nagging and quarrelling with each other, do you think that has not an effect on the children?
 So marriage as a habit, as a cultivation of habitual pleasure, is a deteriorating factor, because there is no love in habit. Love is not habitual; love is something joyous, creative, something new and refreshing. Therefore, habit is the contrary of love; but you are caught in habit, and naturally your habitual relationship with another is dead. So, we come back again to the fundamental issue, which is that the reformation of society depends on you, not on legislation. Legislation can only make for further habit or conformity.
 Therefore you as a responsible individual in a relationship have to do something, you have to act, and you can act only when there is an awakening of your mind and heart. I see some of you nodding your heads in agreement with me, but the obvious fact is that you don’t want to take the responsibility for transformation, for change; you don’t want to face the upheaval of finding out how to live rightly. And so the problem continues, you quarrel and carry on, and finally you die; and when you die somebody weeps, not for the other fellow, but for his or her own loneliness. You carry on unchanged and you think you are human beings capable of legislation, of occupying high positions, talking about God, finding a way to stop wars, and so on. None of these things mean anything, because you have not solved any of the fundamental issues.
 Then, the other part of the problem is sex, and why sex has become so important. Why has this urge taken such a hold on you? Have you ever thought it out? You have not thought it out, because you have just indulged; you have not searched out why there is this problem. Why is there this problem? And what happens when you deal with it by suppressing it completely – you know, the ideal of Brahmacharya, and so on? What happens? It is still there. You resent anybody who talks about a woman, and you think that you can succeed in completely suppressing the sexual urge in yourself and solve your problem that way; but you are haunted by it. It is like living in a house and putting all your ugly things in one room; but they are still there. So discipline is not going to solve this problem – discipline being sublimation, suppression, substitution – because you have tried it, and that is not the way out. So what is the way out? The way out is to understand the problem and to understand is not to condemn or justify. Let us look at it then, in that way.
 Why has sex become so important a problem in your life? Is not the sexual act, the feeling, a way of self-forgetfulness? Do you understand what I mean? In that act there is complete fusion; at that moment there is complete cessation of all conflict, you feel supremely happy because you no longer feel the need as a separate entity and you are not consumed with fear. That is, for a moment there is an ending of self-consciousness, and you feel the clarity of self-forgetfulness, the joy of self abnegation. So sex has become important because in every other direction you are living a life of conflict, of self-aggrandizement and frustration. Sirs, look at your lives, political, social, religious: you are striving to become something. Politically, you want to be somebody, powerful, to have position, prestige. Don’t look at somebody else, don’t look at the ministers. If you were given all that, you would do the same thing. So politically, you are striving to become somebody, you are expanding yourself, are you not? Therefore, you are creating conflict, there is no denial, there is no abnegation of the `me’. On the contrary, there is accentuation of the `me’. The same process goes on in your relationship with things, which is ownership of property, and again in the religion that you follow. There is no meaning in what you are doing, in your religious practices. You just believe, you cling to labels and words. If you observe, you will see that there too is no freedom from the consciousness of the `me’ as the centre. Though your religion says, `Forget yourself’, your very process is the assertion of yourself, you are still the important entity. You may read the Gita or the Bible, but you are still the minister, you are still the exploiter, building temples and exploiting people.
 So, in every field, in every activity, you are indulging and emphasizing yourself, your importance, your prestige, your security. Therefore there is only one source of self-forgetfulness, which is sex, and that is why the woman or the man becomes all-important to you, and why you must possess. So you build a society which enforces that possession, guarantees you that possession; and naturally sex becomes the all-important problem when everywhere else the self is the important thing. And do you think Sirs, that one can live in that state without contradiction, without misery, without frustration? But when there is honesty, sincerity and no self-emphasis, whether in religion or in social activity, then sex has very little meaning. It is because you are afraid to be a nothing – politically, socially and religiously – that sex becomes a problem; but if in all these things you allowed yourself to diminish, to be the lesser, you would see that sex becomes no problem at all.
 There is chastity only when there is love. When there is love, the problem of sex ceases; and without love, to pursue the ideal of Brahmacharya is an absurdity, because the ideal is unreal. The real is that which you are; and if you don’t understand your own mind, the workings of your own mind, you will not understand sex, because sex is a thing of the mind. The problem is not simple. It needs not mere habit-forming practices, but tremendous thought and enquiry into your relationship with people, with property and with ideas. Sir, it means you have to undergo strenuous searching of your heart and mind, thereby bringing a transformation within yourself. Love is chaste; and when there is love, and not the mere idea of chastity created by the mind, then sex stops being a problem and has quite a different meaning.

 Thought, as we have said, sustains pleasure by thinking about something that has been pleasurable and cultivating that image and picture. Thought engenders pleasure. Thinking about the sexual act becomes lust, which is entirely different from the act of sex. What most people are concerned with is the passion of lust. Craving before and after sex is lust. This craving is thought. Thought is not love.