The relationships become wondrous when you are already happy with yourself, when you are not seeking something from anyone, when you are there to share your insight, when you are there to share your limelight with others.

Then you yourself become a beacon of great knowledge. That’s the time when you can be perfect in any relationship, as a husband, a wife, a child, a mother, a father, a friend; and even as an enemy.

I would like to give an example of Sri Krishna. When Shishupal was abusing him in the royal court, Sri Krishna was listening to every abuse attentively as if Shishupal was giving a great discourse. Arjun and other Pandavas were, however, getting upset and furious. They wanted to kill Shishupal right at that spot but Sri Krishna was simply smiling. Then Sri Krishna said that he had told his aunt that he would pardon hundred mistakes done my Shishupal. These are the hundred mistakes which he has allowed Shishupal and had even warned him about them. He kept counting them, enjoying every bit of those abuses. How can anyone enjoy the abuses? See the life of Sri Krishna, who is enjoying abuses as well.

Bulleh Shah comes very close to this. One day, someone approached Bulleh Shah and said, ‘your Guru is a thief’. Bulleh Shah agreed with that person, saying that his Guru is a thief because he stole his heart Yes! Indeed, he is a thief and its good for you that you have known it. For this kind of a person, an abuse is really not an abuse. But this man who approached Bulleh Shah became angrier. So he abused Bulleh Shah, saying that he was equal to a dog. Bulleh Shah replied that that too was true. “This is what I am trying to be with my master, a dog at his door,” he said. “Pray for me that one day I successfully become a dog. You don’t know what greatness a dog has. The dog sits at his master’s door, and even if the master kicks him, he still licks his master’s feet and I have to learn this tolerance and this love from the dog that even if my master kicks me, punches me, I have to be still there, right there at the door because master is the way and will be the gate for me and the master will be the reason for me to dissolve my false ego and recognize my own true self.” And the day you have recognized your own true self, then that will be the day when you can live any relationship with the best means, modes and tools.

In reality, the day you learn to be successful in any relationship is the day when you actually get your graduation and you reach the upper level where you come out of all relationships and transcend even the boundaries of being in a relationship. That is the day when you become a perfect human being.
Until and unless you have experienced any relationship and learnt to be rightfully in a relationship, you can never come out of the relationships.
Raja Janak and Sukhdev were having this beautiful dialogue and Sukhdev was talking about dispassion, detachment and how the world was an illusion. He was speaking about how only self is truth and brahmina is the only existential reality – everything else is just a mirage, an illusion. And suddenly they hear people shouting “Fire! Fire!” They both turned to look towards the direction from where the people were shouting and saw flames leaping up into the sky – the entire city of Janakpur, the kingdom of Raja Janak, was burning, his palace was burning, and all the houses around the palace were burning. Janak just looked in that direction. He wanted to continue his discussion with Sukhdev but he too had fled towards the city. Janak cried out from behind, “Where are you going?” Sukhdev replied he was rushing to the palace. “My langoti is lying there and I have only one. I left my scriptures over there; my precious books are over there.”
At this, Janak shouted, “You shameful man, come back! My whole palace is burning and here I am sitting with you undisturbed and want to continue this discussion on brahm vidya and there you go running for your langoti.” This is a practical lesson from Janak – you can be a true sanyasi (a person who has renounced) and still be in a relationship even while living in a palace, and you can be a truly possessive person even while living in a jungle.
So, how should you live in a society, in a family and still act as if no one is yours? On the other hand, how should you relate with others as if everyone is ours? When you look in someone’s eyes then make sure that you look deep enough and if you look deep enough then your own reflection will be seen in that person’s eye. In whom are you being reflected, how can you hate that person now that he is your own self because the breath that you exhale that person inhales; the breath that person exhales, you inhale. You are sharing the air, you are sharing the earth, you are sharing the space with people but to share everything properly, you need to be in your true element. And your true element can be realized only when you don’t exist any more.
With the annihilation of your ego and the end of this false self, your true self shines forth. When you are in your true self, you are in the right position to have a sound relationship with anyone from human beings to animals. Then you don’t have to do anything to love anyone because then love emanates from you, love oozes out from you. You don’t have to think of speaking sweet words; this sweetness simply and without effort comes out from within you. And when you don’t consciously do anything for others, then wherever you go, the flowers will bloom, the cuckoos will sing and the joyousness will follow you like a shadow. Wherever you are, you will spread such freshness that everyone would want to be with you.

Now even your wife is looking for a divorce – even for awhile. Well, going for two hours of shopping is a brief divorce – she will complain that you don’t give her enough time, that you are so busy with your office work, that you don’t pay attention to her and the day you are at home she will look for reasons, why you are not going out, and suggest that you go and play golf. You don’t have anything else to do now?
This is happening because you don’t know how to live your life. And you don’t know it because you were never trained. Who will train you? A master will train you. Who is this master? Whosoever gives you this insight becomes your master, you don’t have to follow some rituals to be called Guru and Shishya. From whosoever you learn, from whosoever you gain and whosoever becomes your living inspiration, the transformation happens gradually and silently that even you won’t know, but the change is there. And you will be the last person to admit that the change has happened. People around you will be the living evidence that you have already changed and they will be asking you what has happened to you that you are no longer the same person. This is the best way to know whether a change has come in you or not but what happens is that we normally boast: we are great spiritual people, we go on certifying ourselves that we are great yoga enthusiasts and credit ourselves that we are great Sufi lovers. When you have to put a claim on something, this means that something is wrong. Else there is no need to claim, Why should you claim?
You have to be a complete person to become an embodiment of love. And then you will attract people. Then you don’t have to run for the people’s attention. Now you are doing everything to get attention – someone should notice your dress, your way of talking, everything. You want to be in a place where people will take notice of you. You go to parties to get noticed. This hunger to get noticed shows that you are incomplete.

REMEMBER, AN INCOMPLETE PERSON CANNOT EVER LIVE A SOUND AND
PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.